Sometimes I forget that therapy is foreign to a lot of people. Clients often expect to be given the answers, or to be "fixed." This article gives a good explanation about what to expect in therapy. Let me know if you have further questions about the process.
6 Must-Knows Before Starting
Talk-Therapy
Published on January 16, 2013 by Deborah Serani, Psy.D. in Two Takes on Depression
There are many forms of talk therapy,
each with the same goal of reducing symptoms and develop
well-being. Before you start your journey of self-awareness, there
are some fundamentals you need to know.
1. Psychotherapy
cannot be successful unless you want to be there. Though I believe everyone can benefit from psychotherapy,
you can’t heal if you don’t come on your own accord. First and foremost, it’s
essential that you not feel trapped into making an appointment. If you feel coerced into going to therapy,
express your discomfort to the therapist. Often, I detect when this has
happened and rework the session to give the decision-making power back to the
patient. There are other times that I’m not so attuned and miss the clues.
Therapists are nurturers and helpers but not mind readers, so don’t hold in
your reluctance.
2. Psychotherapy will not fix you. YOU will
fix you. The job of a psychotherapist is to
help you help yourself. Think of the Chinese proverb, “Give a man a
fish; you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish; you feed him for a
lifetime.” Advice-giving creates dependency, whereas helping you discover your
patterns that keep you stuck or undermine your well-being creates
self-awareness. The goal of psychotherapy is to empower you with ways to deal
with life issues, learn the triggers for your depression, and build resiliency,
so you can find well-being.
3. Psychotherapy
does not always make you feel better. Making a breakthrough in therapy is always exciting and
meaningful. However, achieving awareness sometimes requires you to be brave and
fearless. Recalling memories and experiences, or changing a behavioral style,
can be trying, upsetting—even overwhelming. Being in therapy will reduce your
symptoms and help you feel better, but it’s beneficial to know that the journey
can sometimes be bumpy. So, for psychotherapy to be a successful, you have to
crave change, possess a curiosity of your inner world and an interest in understanding
what motivates you, and tolerate a moderate degree of frustration. This is
where the myth that only crazy people—or weak-minded individuals—go to therapy
gets the boot. Talk therapy is a valiant undertaking. And anyone who says
otherwise is foolishly misinformed.
4. Psychotherapy
will not work if you have unrealistic expectations.Setting realistic goals can make
psychotherapy a winning experience. Change does not happen overnight. Nor does
the development of insight. Hardest of all is replacing old behaviors with new
ones. It takes time. When it comes to your depression (or other symptoms), make
sure you and your therapist center therapy with sensible and realistic
objectives, specific to your needs. As time progresses, you can review these
targeted goals and redefine them if necessary. Remember, yard by yard is hard,
inch by inch a cinch.
5. Psychotherapy
is not like talking to a friend. Therapy is
the forming of an alliance to bring about change in your life. This is done
with a therapist who is caring, empathic, and skilled in the symptoms and/or
illness you experience. Psychotherapists train many years in the art of
listening and, unlike a friend or family member, listen not only with the
intent to just understand but also with the goal to identify and analyze. Being
an active listener enables a therapist to use theory and techniques to stir
your observations as treatment proceeds. I often hear people say, “Therapy is a
big rip off,” or, “You’re paying for someone to listen to you.” Well, it is true
that you’re paying for someone to listen, but a psychotherapist’s skills go
beyond that of ordinary listening. When you’re in therapy, you’re working with an
Olympic medal listener. That, combined with your therapist’s clinical
objectivity, enables you to get a balanced, unbiased frame of reference in
treatment. Something friendship often blurs.
6. Psychotherapy
requires you to be comfortable with your therapist. There’s a lot of chemistry in talk therapy. The
kind in which you and your therapist click, and you find a sense of ease.
Without this connection, it may be difficult to feel comfortable talking about
difficult issues and to feel safe letting go of fears or trying out new
behaviors. The importance of your therapist’s training should be equally
matched with the level of comfort you feel in sessions. Once you’ve done your
research on finding a therapist, let your phone call be the first litmus test
for this chemistry connection. Many times, you can get a sense of how a
therapist conducts him- or herself with this initial phone contact. Thereafter,
let your gut instincts take over at the consultation. If you don’t feel
comfortable, it’s perfectly fine to seek out another professional. I’ve done
this when I sought out treatment as a patient—and as a therapist, I encourage
second opinions if the match isn’t there. Finding a “good fit” in therapy is
more important than in any other kind of professional relationship
you’ll have in your life.